Parenting Skills: Labeled Praise and Active Ignoring

It can sometimes be a struggle to get children to follow rules and expectations that have been laid out for them. More often than not, when rule-breaking occurs, what follows is the yelling of “don’t do that!” or “stop it!” However, that is likely not the most effective way of engaging with a child.

Like adults, children simply want their loved ones to pay attention to them. If the majority of attention comes when they do something wrong, that will simply reinforce the inappropriate behavior. Because of this, labeled praise is an important tool to have in your parenting toolkit.

What is labeled praise? Labeled praise includes very detailed descriptions tied to praise for a behavior. When you catch your child engaging in a desired behavior, let them know that you see it through labeled praise.

The following are examples of labeled praise that you can use rather than unlabeled, vague praise:

Unlabeled Praise	Labeled Praise
Good job!	You did such a good job picking up your toys and putting them back in the toy box!
That’s great!	Great job asking for help using your polite words when you were struggling!
Thank you!	Thank you for listening the first time I asked you to turn off the iPad and come to the table for dinner.
Good work!	I appreciate you staying in your seat during all of dinner time today!

Meanwhile, if you notice your child engaging in an inappropriate behavior, active ignoring is another handy tool to use. With active ignoring, you are very purposely ignoring the bad behavior. That way, your child knows that the only time they will receive attention will be if they engage in the expected behaviors. The only exception to the rule about active ignoring is when your child is about to engage in a behavior where their safety is in immediate danger; then you step in to prevent the behavior and provide an appropriate consequence (e.g., time out).

The wonderful thing about labeled praise and active ignoring is that the interactions between you and your child will become much more positive.  Further, it will result in your child feeling good about themselves. With labeled praise, it becomes very clear to your child what the desired behaviors are so that there is no vagueness or confusion about expectations.

Please note that “bad” behaviors may amplify for a while as your child tries to understand why your responses have changed, but eventually, as long as you stick to the labeled praise and active ignoring, they will learn which behaviors will provide them with the positive attention they desire.

Photo by Serhat Beyazkaya on Unsplash

Written by Justina Yohannan, PhD