Why Don’t Therapists Give Advice?
I get asked this question many times by my clients, and my response is always the same. I do not give you advice because if I do, then you would be living my life and not yours. That is my answer, plain and simple. Other therapists may have a different reason for not wanting to advise their clients.
But let us think about this. The job of a therapist is not to give you advice and tell you how to live your life. Many adverse things can happen, and it can take the client on the wrong path. When a therapist gives advice, it tells the client that they cannot make their own decisions. It takes away a client’s autonomy and makes them dependent on someone else. Clients can become accustomed to this, and then the relationship between therapist and client is no longer productive. There is a hierarchy created where the therapist knows everything, and the client must listen and comply.
A therapist’s job is to guide the client to find their solutions. There are two people in a room, and only one of them is an expert on what is going on within themselves. The client must find the solutions that best fit the problem that they have because that is the solution that they are going to feel motivated to use. Has it ever happened to you that someone tells you how to do something, and you chose to do it differently? There is just something inside you that when you ask about what type of shirt to wear, you always choose the opposite of what the other person’s picks. You still want to be able to control you. It is the same with counseling. But if I advise you what to do and do not feel motivated with the idea, then the whole relationship with me is going to get ruined, and therapy does not work anymore.
When you are the one who thought of the solution and implemented the solution on your own, you can realize that you can make choices in your life that can benefit you. If you have a good therapist, they will be able to point this out and see your strength. In return, this will give you the ability to move forward that when you find yourself with a dilemma, you will be able to resolve it as you did before.
To summarize, it works in your advantage for a therapist not to give you advice. You will leave your session feeling more confident than before. You will have the ability to make decisions and see the inner strength that has been there, all because a therapist guided you towards your solution and did not advise you on what to do.
Disclaimer: This blog does not provide or replace psychological treatment or evaluation. Contact a psychologist in your community if you are in need of individualized services.
Written by Elihennette Carreron, M.S.